And alas! I have my own leche flan for Media Noche later. Not because I am selfish or anything like that. It’s because I don’t like the caramelized sugar(arnibal) at the bottom, so my mom made me a separate one. And so as not to confuse it with the others, she put a huge B on the foil cover. Haha. I really want to eat it now.But I have to save it for later. YUM YUM. :>
For the past years, I always list a few bunch of things for my new year’s resolution. And as cliché goes, I always end up not doing any of them. So somehow, I don’t feel like making a list anymore. But this time, I have two things that I really want to do and stick doing throughout the whole year. So here they are:
Read more books and not let them pile up, unfinished.
Unfollow people I don’t really like and follow more of those who I can really relate to.
For the first one, I really intend to do it because I have failed my goal this year of reading 50 books. I have been putting off reading too much because I was very busy. So next year, I’m going to find time, no no, make time for reading. The second one is for the sake of my own blog. This year, I have been recklessly following people who are, to use the phrase, “tumblr famous”. It was fun for a while, reading all those conversation and talks they had with their anons and all but then it got to a point that I become too annoyed. And so now, I am starting to unfollow them and look for blogs that really caught my interests. I usually follow fellow bookworms and those who have my type of music in them. So yeah, those are pretty much what I want for a change this year.
When the last Harry Potter film was released last July, I got a bit depressed for I don’t know what else to look forward to next year. The book and movie series that I’ve been attached to for half of my life has finally come to an end and it left me hanging. Thankfully, my second most favorite series made it into the world of movie franchise. If not for the Hunger Games, I wouldn’t know what to expect and hope for next year. I guess it somehow made my inner bookworm heart beat once more. It may not be as good and successful as the Harry Potter phenomenon but at least, it’s something to wait for.
Unlike many others, I wouldn't ask for 2012 to be an awesome and brilliant one. I just want to get through the next year peacefully. Not perfect or anything superb, just let me just have the strength to face the new year to come.
“Then I place the blade next to the skin on my palm. A tingle arced across my scalp. The flood tipped up at me and my body spiraled away. Then I was on the ceiling looking down, waiting to see what would happen next. What happened next was thet a perfect, straight line of blood bloomed from under the blade.The line grow into a long, fat bubble, a lush crimson bubble that got bigger and bigger. I watch from above, waiting to see how big it would get before it burst. When it did, I felt awesome. Satisfied, finally. Then exhausted.”—Patricia McCormick (Cut)
Yes, I know a lot of people would look disgusted while reading this, but it’s the truth, for me I guess.
Back in high school, I was a math geek. I’m the batch math nerd and I used to compete in interschool competitions. The pictures above shows the results of all my Center for Educational Measurement test I took every year in high school. And to brag a bit, I always get the highest evaluation. As for the one with the red circle(ellipse, if you are very technical), it was my NCAE result during my 4th year. And the medal was the first gold I won during an individual competition during my 1st year.
Why am I showing these things now? Well, I just miss the complicated yet precise formulas and equations of math. I love numbers and I take comfort in the fact that it is exact and unchanging. I guess that’s the reason I like it so much. There is no twist and turns, it’s not ideological, it’s constant. And maybe, that’s the reason why I don’t believe in any religion. I hate it’s vagueness and indistinctness. I am a very logical person when it comes to these things. I admit that my imagination is only working when I read novels. But then, this is who I am, so I am really proud of it.
There are only 3 days left of our vacation. Minus one day for me because I would be going back to my dorm on the 2nd. Damn, I am so not ready yet. I just started with Doctor Who and still have a pile of to-read books at my bedside. I need more time. And also, I am not ready to face tons of school works just yet. I am perfectly fine with this bum life of no stress and unlimited sleeping time. My body clock isn’t even fixed yet. How am I supposed to wake up early when at 7am, I just about to sleep? Oh shit. I really really do not want classes to resume yet. :(
“KUYA EDDIE (sa camera): Sa pagbabalik namin ay mag-iikot na kami sa inyong barangay para biyayaan ang iba oang kalalakihang tambay, kaya ihanda niyo na ang mga pakete ng Crystal Meth Energy Drink at tumutuk dito sa ‘Pag-asenso.. Iasa Sa Swerte’”—Bob Ong (Lumayo Ka Nga Sa Akin)
Just started watching Doctor who (11th Doctor) and realized how stupid I am for not watching it months before. I didn’t know I’ve been missing this much! It’s so good and hilarious, I cannot stop laughing! Matt Smith and Karen Gillan are so good together. I’m just on the second episode but I am already loving this. The Doctor is so cool! :D
Would you look at that! This is what my cousin gave me as a post-Christmas present.
At first glance, I almost threw the book at her face because I thought that it was one of those cheap Filipino romance pocket books, which I definitely hate. But then as I got a better look, I realized that it was actually from one of my favorite (although I only got a few) Filipino authors. And so I look it up and read some review on the internet. It was definitely something new because Bob Ong usually writes comedic and reflective stories about the Filipino issues. But then this one, it is a love story, but of course a humorous one. I’ve read that it is updated with the Filipino fads of the year and the typical in-n-outs of Philippine teleserye. I am very much excited in reading this book that I might even skip continuing my currently readings for this one.
I feel so bad about not reaching my reading goal this year. So far, I got 31 out 50 on my list. There are only 2 days left before the year is over and I’m halfway done with South of the Border, West of the Sun by Haruki Murakami and Delirium by Lauren Oliver. So if I finish them, I’ll only end up with 33 books. I feel very down. It’s like I’m slacking off with my reading. But actually, the reason is that I can only read books and such during vacations. I have tons of school works, paper works and exams during the school year that I cannot even spend my weekend reading. I only have Sundays for rest since I have Saturday classes which suck. If only textbooks counts as fiction books, then I would have finished my goal in a breeze. Haha. And so because of this failure, my New Year’s Resolution is to finish up my 2012 reading challenge. I swear that I’m gonna find time to read. I really will.
The worst thing you can do to bookworms is to disturb them while reading. If you see us holding a book up our noses, stay away and leave us alone for your own good. No matter how close you are to us, we will be annoyed.
They say that people who stay up very very late and have trouble sleeping are probably depressed.
Well, count me in that ship, ‘cause the whole Christmas vacation, I have been up and sleeping at 5am. And it’s not because I’m busy doing school work or whatnots. I just cannot sleep. I feel lonely and useless and whatever. Why? I don’t know. And that’s why it sucks. I mean, I don’t have any good reasons to feel like this. It’s just that there is always that hollow feeling inside me like everything is not going to work out fine, like all the negative feelings inside me suddenly explodes. I hate this. I really really do. A while ago, I thought that for the first time, I would be able to sleep early. I went to bed at 10pm and was drawn to slumber. Imagine my irritation when I woke up, looked at the clock and saw that it was just 2am. I am fucked. Now, I am so so awake and alive. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I hate this certain time of the day. It is when I contemplate about things and usually feel more alone and lonely. Damn. I think I need sleeping pills but I don’t know how to tell my parents.
This is a very very sad yet sweet song from one of my favorite bands. I cried the first time I listened to this. The lyrics is just so so sad. But the melody and the whole song is beautiful and perfect. :’)
Forever and Always - Parachute
She finishes the vows but his beeps are getting so low
His voice is almost too low
As he says, I love you forever, forever and always
So now I read the news that the new season for American Horror Story would mean a new set of cast and a new haunted house/building. I don’t like it. I was patiently waiting for the new season hoping to see more of Tate/Violet and the demon baby. Now, they’re ruining it. And get this, it would be like this for every new season. Technically, a whole new plot and story. I hate that. I really really am pissed Mr. Ryan Murphy. :|
Well, my sister and all of my cousins went off to Bataan a while ago for the New Year’s celebration. And uh, I chose not to go with them. My mom, uncles, aunts and grandparents were disappointed but I don’t care. I don’t want to have the awkward family reunion again where I get to have a whole day faking smiles and conversations with relatives I barely know. I don’t know if I’m gonna be spending the new year here at home or my mom would drag me to Bataan on the 31st. It’s fine with me if it’s on the last minute. I just don’t know what to do there for 5 days if I went now. So yeah, I’m gonna be home alone with our maid for almost a week. I’m not complaining. At least I get to do things that I want, maybe even go out without having to ask permission. Yup, I do well being alone. ‘Cause I’m a loser like that.
It’s raining. And I’m awake. My mind won’t just shut off. I cannot sleep. But then, I’m not in the mood to do anything other than stare at the ceiling while lying in bed. My laptop is on with only the Tumblr tab opened. What do I do? I want to rest, I hate my fucked up body clock. But every time I try to close my eyes, I just can’t drift off. Oh what the hell am I doing with my life right now? I don’t even know what the point of writing this text post is. Maybe I’m going crazy, I dunno.
“There’s a reason I said I’d be happy alone. It wasn’t ‘cause I thought I’d be happy alone. It was because I thought that If I love someone, and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It’s easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love and then you don’t have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it, and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that pain? Losing love is like organ damage, it’s like dying. The only difference is death ends, but this? It could go on forever.”—Meredith Grey (Grey’s Anatomy Season 7 Episode 22)
Why do I read books? Why do I waste my time in such a boring hobby? Because it way too much easier to get lost in another person's fantasy than to live in my own reality. For a bit of time, I can escape from my own mess. I guess you wouldn't understand. But to me, it's the best way to set myself free.
It’s been quite a while since I made a book review. Pardon me for my lack of time due to school work. And since it’s vacation, I finally had the chance to knock off some books from my to-read list. Here’s one good book I finished a while ago.
What do you do when your sister, the closest relative you have, dies? How can you survive, when you believed in a promise that was shattered with her sudden death? A promise that led you to believe that she will never leave you like your mother did. How do you deal with the pain and the loss?
Lennine Walker is the typical younger sister. Unlike Bailey, the older one, Lennie is the companion pony, the one in the sidelines. She was the boring band geek clarinet player. She was never the center of attraction. That spot was solely for Bailey, the outgoing one, the actress, the sister who’s full of life. That is, until one unfortunate day when suddenly, it all ends for the older sister.
Now, although the two maybe opposites, they were quite close. Very close indeed, due to them being abandoned by their mother. Lennie and Bailey do not know much about their mother excpet for the fact that she is a wanderer. And so, as they were left to grow with only their Gram and Uncle Big, they don’t have anyone to turn to but each other. So how was Lennie supposed to go on with her life without her big sister, Bailey, who was always there for her, the one who knows what to do?
And in the picture comes Toby and Joe. Toby was Bailey’s boyfriend. Like Lennie, he was enveloped with such grief due to Bailey’s death. Toby was the boy who understands Lennie’s sorrows and struggles. To Lennie, Toby is the only one who she can share her emotions with. But up to what extent? And then there is Joe, the new boy at school. This is the charming one, the boy with sunshine written all over his face. The guy every girl wants to be with, the talented musician. The guy responsible for Lennie’s heart to pound so hard it might burst. Joe was the one who can make Lennie forget about all the sadness in her heart with just one blissful kiss.
And so the story goes. Just like any other love triangles, Lennie was torn between Toby and Joe. She was certain that she is in love Joe. He sends her reeling the sky and beyond with every touch and kiss. His music connected with hers. The passionate guitarist and the soulful clarinetist. The perfect match. Through him, Lennie can bury all the memories of Bailey, even for a while. But then there was Toby, who needs her, the guy who craves her company. He is the one person who exactly knows how big an impact Bailey’s death was. They found memories of Bailey in each other. Lennie was drawn to him due to sympathy and loneliness. But there would always be that big guilt looming over her everytime that they are together. So really, who should she choose?
I also love the fact that the book was sprinkled with a dash of poetry in every other chapter. Each chapter ends with a handwritten poem by Lennie found in random places. In the book, Lennie is the silent type. She doesn’t easily share what she feels to others. Instead, she writes it down, anywhere, and just throw it away in random weird places. It may be on a takeaway cup, a tissue, a newspaper, anywhere. I think that it is her way of letting her emotions out.
The Sky Is Everywhere is not the typical sad book. Yes, it deals with grieving and loss, but not with the tear-jerking, too depressive manner. In fact, there are a lot of humorous exchange between the characters. To me, it was a very honest interpretation of coping. Nelson wrote in a way that readers could see and feel how the characters were so torn about lamenting and moving on with life. In this book, we can see different views on how people manage with grief. It was a good read since the main character isn’t the perfect saint. In her journey of sorrow, she makes mistakes and fails to see what is right. But then with every mistake comes the realization of how wrong she was. The book really shows how a teenage girl grows as she comes face to face with the fact that one of the closest person to her heart had gone away. The readers get to laugh, mourn, cry and fall in love just like the characters. It is written simply and is a very easy read. Overall, I would give it a 4/5.
“Closing your eyes isn’t going to change anything. Nothing’s going to disappear just because you can’t see what’s going on. In fact, things will even be worse the next time you open your eyes. That’s the kind of world we live in. Keep your eyes wide open. Only a coward closes his eyes. Closing your eyes and plugging up your ears won’t make time stand still.”—Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore)
At this point in my life, I’m wondering whether I want to be in a relationship because I want to experience love or because I am too engrossed with the idea of being in love. I don’t know if I really want to be involved with someone in an intimate way. Maybe it’s just because my mind is so full of romantic stories from what I have watched in movies or from what I’ve read in books and novels. I have only been in one serious relationship before and that was a long time ago, when I was still in high school. I get times when I want to get close to someone. But then I don’t know if it’s really enough to consider it as a start of a relationship or I just long and crave for company because I’m lonely. When I see couples, I do tend to wonder when I’ll find myself a guy who would be there for me. I’m so confused. Is it really because I want to fall in love again, or is it because I am pressured by what I see around me? Maybe I’m just infatuated with the thought of being loved and all that crap I hear about it. I don’t know. I really don’t know.
I woke up at around 3pm and my uncle and sister was here watching tv. They left at around 4 to go to our cousin’s house. And until now, I’m all alone. Where is everybody? Even our maid is not here. I’m not really complaining, it’s just weird that no one else is around. Oh well.
When I was little girl, my mom would always tell me to smile. Smile big and wide and show it to everyone. Back then, I would always obey because to me, it was an easy thing to do. It’s like the most natural thing to do when you’re a kid. I would pass by a friend, a relative, even a stranger, and I would just flash a huge grin at them. It wasn’t much of a big deal. And these people would always smile back. Of course, that’s what they always do since I’m just a little kid.
But then as I grow old and learn more about things, I stopped smiling so much. I do just go about and beam at random strangers that I meet. And my mom wouldn’t complain. It was safer to just look down and ignore people as I walk to wherever it is I’m headed to. Also, I don’t have much reasons to smile. I smile at the camera, yes I do. I smile, even laugh, when I’m having fun with my friends. But to smile most of the time, that I don’t do. It’s not that I can’t, it’s just that I find it hard to keep a happy face plastered in my face. I’m not that kid anymore. I have other, more potent emotions that well up inside me, causing the smile to be wiped of my face.
And that’s when I realize that I’ve been sad. Not grieving, depressed, suicidal sad. Just sad. It’s now that I grasp how seldom I let myself smile and just forget about things that make me miserable. I think to much negative thoughts and fail to see what’s good. I get so lost in my problems that I cannot spare myself a chance to be truly elated. And now, more than ever, I hope to be that once smiling kid, always ready to give a huge happy face at any time. To have that easy grin and light-hearted character. So for now, I will try to smile. I will try.
Charlie Bartlett is an average teenager, who wants nothing more than to be liked by everyone in his high school. He has everything any kid would probably want in their lives. He’s rich, he has a very understanding mother who is very supportive of him and he is also very intelligent. But Charlie has one quirk. He has a certain passion in making trouble. At the beginning of the movie, he got kicked out of private school due to making fake driver’s licenses for his friends. And so his mother decided that putting him to a public school might help.
His first day in his new school didn’t go so well. He was bullied by this kid, Murphy, for looking like a weird kid in his suit and attaché case. But Charlie also met Susan Gardner, the principal’s daughter. Charlie, still not letting go of his dream to be everyone’s friend, thought of turning things around. He befriended Murphy and made him his business partner. Together, they supplied students with psychological medications coming from different psychiatrists who Charlie has consulted due to his “problems”. These problems were just made up with symptoms Charlie has read from various psychology and psychiatric books. He wanted to help these kids who felt alone and left out. To Charlie, this is his best shot to popularity. Everything worked well and Charlie was suddenly loved by everyone in his new school. He also got close with Susan and eventually, they became couples.
And so the movie goes as Charlie and Susan got to know more about each other. They realized that they had the same family problems. Charlie’s father was sent to prison and as a result, his mother got into a deep depressive state. As for Susan, her mother had an affair and left. Her father, in turn, became an alcoholic. Same problem, different scenario: One parent who left them and another with serious psychological problem. This brought Charlie and Susan even closer to each other.
But then problems arise when one of Charlie “clients”, Kip, went and got himself overdosed with drugs that Charlie prescribed. This made Charlie end his entrepreneurship and also made him realize his wrongs. So he decided to make things right and talked Kip out of his depression and suicidal tendencies. He made Kip understand that life, no matter how fucked up, is still worth living. It is then that Charlie found out about the play Kip was writing. His new goal was to make Kip’s play happen and so began another wacky journey, as Charlie help Kip convince the principal to agree with the production of the play.
This movie is a good watch as it mixed comedy and reality very well. There is an ample amount of funny moment and yet there are some deeper and more serious issues behind the hilarious characters. We see that each of them have troubles in their families, and we also see how they try to cope with these things. Like many other movies, it teaches us that there are more things in life than being popular. That wanting to be liked by everyone is alright, depending on how we use that attention. This movie also tells us that no matter whom we are - popular, rich, jock, emo, weird, nerd, or whatever - there are problems that we tend to hide from everyone, problems that we cannot bear and have no choice but to keep it inside because of fear. I think this movie would appeal well, not only to Psychology students, but to everyone as it really tackles much about how each person deal with their issues in life. It’s a quirky, light and easy watch but very much substantial. I give it a 9/10.
A box of Oreos + 2 cans of Pringles + 2 packs of Hershey’s Kisses = AWESOME.
While everyone in our house have gone to our cousin’s house two blocks away, here I am with my munchies! I got them from my grandpa last night. He knows that I love these treats and I was so happy he bought them for me. And that teddy bear, oooh that cute teddy bear. I got it from one of my cousins. So now, I’m here, camping in my room since I got to skip mass a while ago. I pretended to be very much asleep because I really don’t go to church. It’s been like that for almost 2 years now. Anyways, I’m gonna watch Season 1 of Game of Thrones and later, I will get back to my reading. Wish me luck on resisting the fattening temptations of these goodies! :))
Now, the yuletide celebration is almost over. Loud, blaring music from every house on the streets starts to die down. My mom and sister nearly succumb to sleep. Mounds of used plates, utensils and whatevers are piled up on the kitchen sink, to be washed later by the maid. And as for me, I am back in my room. Lights out. Alone. As usual, lost in my thoughts.
It’s really amazing how time flies. One moment, I was there with all of my cousins, eating, dancing and singing to the music. Having a good time, laughing, taking lots of pictures. And then now, it’s as if nothing happened. It’s quiet, everybody’s gone back to their homes. Finally resting, in the comforts of their beds. In a blink of an eye, everything was over. Fast. Swift. Life speeds through and sometimes, we never notice how much we might miss.
And so I wonder. In my whole existence here in this world, how much did I miss? How many things did I fail to see and appreciate? How much did I lost by not noticing what passes right in front me? Will I ever get back to those times? Of course, not. Time wasted is time gone. No going back. No rewinds. And that is one sad truth about this life. All we can do is move forward, trying not to make the same mistakes we’ve had.
Yes, it’s a just a bit more than 3 hours before Christmas. And of course, as a Filipino, food Noche Buena must be present! My family have been preparing for almost the whole day because our cousins would be celebrating with us. So far, here are what we’ve made for the midnight feast:
3 kilos of barbecue (sooooo much)
mounds of pancit palabok
Pesto and Carbonara (yes, we love pasta!)
Baked Mac (from my cousins)
Fried Chicken (ever present)
Buko Salad (this is my FAVORITE!!)
Choco Banana Graham Cake (courtesy of yours truly)
Crema de Fruta (‘cause we don’t settle for just two desserts)
Novellino plus some beer in can (oh you know..)
Haha, so this just means that anyone who’s dieting will have their regime ruined. And who cares if we gain a bit more weight? It’s Christmas, so it’s fine! Hahaha.
“That’s always seemed so ridiculous to me, that people want to be around someone because they’re pretty. It’s like picking your breakfeast cereals based on color instead of taste.”—John Green (Paper Towns)
Are you guys done with shopping for gift? Are you finished with wrapping all the presents? Well, I am. The only thing I’d be doing later is to help prepare for the Christmas dinner. I’ll be making Choco Banana Graham cake and will be assisting in making my mom’s killer Buko Salad. Oh and yeah, I don’t really know why I celebrate Christmas. I don’t even believe in the existence of the almighty one. Maybe because of tradition. Maybe because I grew up in a Catholic family. But really, the event doesn’t have any big significance or meaning to me. It’s funny how I get excited over it. I feel like a hypocrite.