It used to feel like dreaming, except I did wake up.

It’s been almost four years now. I could still remember the way you smile. I can still picture the twinkle in your eye whenever I tell you how much you mean to me. Your laughter is a ghost that constantly haunts me. I miss the talking, the nonsensical chats, the secrets exchanged. I miss how you can remember every detail of the stories I shared. I miss how you can sense my mood even without me talking. I miss your arms around me. I miss everything that we’ve lost.

No matter how much I try to squeeze your very existence into this teensy tiny box and shove into the deepest corners of my head, the memory of you gets out, piece by piece like a stubborn little kid who wouldn’t stop playing. At times, I delude myself into thinking that I have successfully wiped you clean from my brain. But then I would hear this one song, and then the moments we shared would just flash in front of my eyes like a glimpse of recorded videos. And then I would become all miserable knowing that I failed, yet again.

I guess it’s because you were my first in everything. You were the first one who have reached into my very core, in the deepest, most personal way. You were the first person I learned to depend on without any doubts. You became my confidant, the one I fully trust. I grew so attached. You were more than just a boyfriend. You took parts of me and I took some of yours. As cliché and corny as it may sound, you were my puzzle piece.

And when all of it ended, you took that one important piece which, up until now, is a gap that I can’t seem to fill. Yes, we might me “friends” right now, but every time I see you and spend time with you, I can’t help but imagine how it would be like if it worked out between us. Whenever we talk and laugh at past jokes and memories, my mind wanders to an alternate universe where the puzzle is still complete, intact. 

Since it has been exactly a year since the world premiere of the last Harry Potter movie, I would give two and a half hours of my time to re-watch the first movie, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, all over again.

“I open at the close.”

They say that first love never dies, that the flashbacks will haunt you forever. But I guess it’s not the sweet memories you’ve had with the person that actually lingers. I think it’s the fact that this person was the one who made that first crack in your perfectly healthy, undamaged heart.

Day 21 – Favorite book from your childhood

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Braum

Aside from my ever beloved Harry Potter books, this one has been read to me over and over by my mom when I was a little kid. Sadly, I can no longer find my copy of this book and I am guessing that it has been donated somewhere. But I can remember that this is the cover of the one we had before. 

Anyways, when I was a kid and cannot really read thick books like this, my mom would always read to me every weekend and this was the story I would always ask for her to read. When I grew up and was able to read by myself, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz was my favorite. I don’t know how to explain exactly what attracted me at that time, but I guess I am already in love with fantasy and magical worlds even before. I mean, duh, it is so easy to believe in these kinds of stories when you are young. And maybe, it stuck to me until today.

So yes, this one is my favorite childhood book. Don’t tell me that you don’t need to read this one because you’ve already seen the Judy Garland movie. No. Like any other book-to-movie adaptations, there’s so much more in the book that are not included in the movie. Dorothy and her friends had a much more difficult adventure and let me tell you that her magic slippers are supposed to be silver. Yes. NOT RUBY RED. It’s not to late to read this. No matter how young or old you are, you would still be in for a treat.